The Penis, Mightiest Sword

Being born female I never formed a true understanding of Penile Importance. Yes, the penis is a male physical organ that exists for procreation. But there is so much more, a whole world of situations and opportunities that only a penis seems to satisfy.

I am not writing about sexuality, though it would be remiss of me not to mention it. Yes gentlemen, we are overwhelmed by your swordsmanship.  You and your organ have brought smiles to millions,  satisfying us as only you could.  Many a girl appreciates her erection connection.  Romantic novels, erotic photography and adult movies showcase your hidden talents.  Books from The Kama Sutra to Lady Chatterley’s Lover have made sure that your gifts will not be overlooked.

No, I am concentrating on penis as an object of entertainment.  Most men have granted their appendages names.  Some are sly references to efficiency, others boast of physical size and some are just silly.  Boys find their penises at a very early age.  I was astounded at how entertained my toddlers were.  By early childhood their organs seemed to take on personas of their own.  Perhaps this is due to the external dangle.  The girls I know were far less fascinated by their subtler more hidden parts.

Boys draw penises.  Why?  I never figured it out. Whatever the motivation behind the art such drawings were met with laughter and approval.  I heard friends chortle “That’s hilarious!”  I was not personally amused but fascinated with the male bonding that occurred as a direct result of the well-rendered drawing. I frequently wondered how often teachers encountered these masterpieces in a school environment.  Frequently, I imagine.

There are universal fears among growing boys, one of which is injury to the private parts. Every male I know has at least one story in his arsenal about heroic recovery from testicular assault. Then there are zipper adventures. Shrinkage due to cold water exposure becomes a topic of discussion.  The left or right side packing of the package is another consideration. Width versus length. Can a boy effectively write his name in a snowbank?  I tell you, these are serious issues.

On the lighter side exists the penis joke.  I refer to it in the singular though there are indeed millions of variations.  Women are not the tellers of these anecdotes, unless of course someone dares them to write a blog on the topic.  Men revel in making fun of, threatening, and extolling the virtues of the penis.  Just the topic of size alone fuels enough jibes to fill volumes.  Failure to launch or inappropriate penile behavior inspires more humor.  To men, penises are funny.

Now, they do not want you to find penises funny, unless of course the man generates the mockery himself and invites you to share in the moment.  If however you mock without permission you have committed the most heinous of offenses.  Even the most heartfelt apology does little to repair damage inflicted.  A direct hit upon the penis involves pride, heart and ego.  Tread carefully.

Being born female, I had no idea.  There is etiquette and sensitivity involved, humor and understanding.  My husband and sons have educated me.  A penis does aid in procreation, but also has a personality, history and life of its own. It stands at attention and demands our respect.  You may call it a variety of names, and acknowledge its importance.  It is more than a simple biological organ. Ask any man. It is legend.


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